Here's a good one:

• A group of girlfriends, all age 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurantbecause the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.
• 10 years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food was good and the wine selection was excellent.
  
• 10 years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could dine in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.
  
• 20 years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had an elevator.
  
• 10 years later, at 90 years of age, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the OceanView restaurant because they had never been there before.
  

 We can plan our  lunch rendezvous spot at Reunion!                                                                       

 

BOSTONIANS WILL LOVE THIS!!!!!                               

OK...  pay attention: the geographical center of Boston is in Roxbury. Due north of the center we find the South End.  This is not to be confused with South Boston whichlies directly east from the South End.  North of the South End is East Boston and southwest of East Boston is the North End.

Harvard Bridge  The bridge connecting Boston and Cambridge via Massachusetts Avenue is commonly know as the Harvard Bridge. When it was built, the state offered to name the bridge for the Cambridge school that could present the best claim for the honor. Harvard submitted an essay detailing its contributions to education in America, concluding that it deserved the honor of having a bridge leading into Cambridge named for the institution. MIT did a structural analysis of the bridge and found it so full of defects that they agreed that it should be named for Harvard.    This is all true.

    Information on Boston and the Surrounding Areas:

There is no school on School Street, no court on Court Street, no dock on Dock Square, and no water on Water Street. Back Bay Boston streets are in alphabetical oddah: Arlington , Berkeley, Clarendon, Dartmouth, etc. So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D, etc. If the streets are named after trees (e.g. Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar), you are on Beacon Hill. If they are named after poets, you are in Wellesley.
Massachusetts Avenue is Mass Ave. Commonwealth Avenue is Comm Ave. South Boston is Southie. The South End is the South End. East Boston is Eastie. The North End is east of the former West End. The West End and Scully Square are no more; a guy named Rappaport got rid of them one night. Roxbury is The Berree, Jamaica Plain is J.P.

How to say these Massachusetts city names correctly (Say it wrong and be shunned).
Worcester : Wuhsta (or Wistah)
Gloucester : Glawsta
Leicester: Lesta
Woburn: Woobun
Dedham : Dead-um
Revere: Re -vee-ah
Quincy: Quinzee
Tewksbury : Tooks berry
Leominster : Le-min-sta
Peabody: Pee-ba-dee
Waltham : Walth-ham
Chatham: Chaddum
Samoset: Sam-oh-set or Sum-aw-set, but nevah Summerset!

Definitions:

FRAPPES are made with ice cream; MILKSHAKES are not.
If it is carbonated and flavored, it is TONIC
Soda means CLUB SODA.
Pop refers to one's father (Dad).
When we want Tonic Water, we will askfor TONIC WATER.
The smallest beer is a pint.
Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish. If you paid more than $7/pound, you got scrod.
It is not a water fountain; it is a bubblah.
It is not a trashcan; it is a barrel.
It is not a spucky, a hero, or a grinder; it is a sub.
It is not a shopping caht; it is a carriage.
It is not a purse; it is a pockabook.
They are not franks; they are haht dahgs; franks are money used Switzahland.

 

 

 

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD.

WELL . . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.

MY NAME IS ALICE, AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.  I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 50-plus YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN? UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

 THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED PARK HIGH SCHOOL.

 'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

 WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.  HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1970. WHY DO YOU ASK?'

YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.

 HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD,WRINKLED FACED,  FAT,

GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT, SON-OF-A-gun,

ASKED,'WHAT DID YOU TEACH???

 IMPORTANT MESSAGE:

You've heard about people who have been abducted and had
Their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years
Ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs.
It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of
Cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to
Mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs.
Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my
Life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again.

My rear was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they
Took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had
Stuck me with earlier. But my new rear was attached at least
Three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to
Give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One
Morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the
Flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of
The hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was
Being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to
Me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with
A turkey neck, I decided to tell my story.. Women of the
World wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons
Are using REAL replacement body parts - stolen from you and
Me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted',
Look again - was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere
Every night.

WARN YOUR FRIENDS!

P.S. Last year I thought someone had stolen my Boobs. I was
Lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of
Bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in
My armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my
Waistband.
Thought this was too 'important' not to pass on. Have a
Wonderful day - with a joy filled heart. Always remember to
Laugh!! Helps the heart AND the wrinkles!!

P..P.S. Those same thieves come in my closet and shrink my
Clothes! How do they do it????

SENIOR HUMOR
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, ...it doesn't matter.
- Mark Twain
"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?"
- SatchelPaige
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like."
- Jackie Mason
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
Age only matters if you're cheese.
Cultivate an interest in the classics: seduce a senior citizen tonight.
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
He who laughs, lasts.
I've gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing aid before I can ask where I left my glasses.
I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
If I knew I was going to get this old, I would have taken better care of myself when I was young.
If you laugh a lot, when you get older your wrinkles will be in the right places.
Middle age is when you burn the midnight oil around 9:00 pm.
My grandson asked me if I still look at young women, I said yes, but I can't remember why.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.
The big thing today is computer dating. If you don't know how to run a computer it really dates you.
The golden years: When actions creak louder than words.
There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that twenty years or so won't cure.
When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all-bran?

 

OLD IS WHEN...
* your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
* your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
* going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
* You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
* you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
* "getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.
* "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
* an "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!

 

 

 

 

 
Just in case you weren't feeling too old today ..........
The people who are starting college this fall were born in 1992.

They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
The CD was introduced two years before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable..
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been microwaved . 
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: 'Where's the Beef?', 
'I'd walk a mile for a Camel ' or 
'de plane Boss, de plane'. OY !